Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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