today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
