Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
