Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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