he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
