Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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