We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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