i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you had me at cake vodka
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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