I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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