i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
