grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
