You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
