You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
