We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
