I think my fart just growled at me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
