he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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