So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
