Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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