butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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