he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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