If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
