I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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