Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
