guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
