The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
