I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
