I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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