I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
