You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
