I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize