We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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