My friends, they love my intelligence
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
