I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
