i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
