I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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