life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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