did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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