is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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