i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
