i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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