yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
