I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
