Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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