we're blogging at a bar
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
