my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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