dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
only you would photoshop your dick
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
