You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
