Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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