I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She told me I should be a condom model.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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