It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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