In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
