After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
