Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
