i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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