It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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