OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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