she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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