I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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