Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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