Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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