i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
