How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
