i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
