i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Shame - the story of my life.
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