I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
