I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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