I want to stick my p in your. b.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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