Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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