So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
