You smell like a Billy Joel song
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
