Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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