I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
