Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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